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shuffling through this broken film, i'm fiction played in present tense. you slammed me up against the taste, blood copper in my mouth from where your touch came down. i'm all cut up. i'm all lit up. the streetlight glare's angelic glow, like brand new love, is shining on me now. so this is how the latest liar in her life became the reason why. i lost my mind. i came unwound. but i warned you of awful things i wanted to do. fought, for once it's not my fault. the sidewalk saved me, broke your fall. connected when i should've paused. you made your great escape. this isn't me. this isn't me. this violent symmetry is out of phase. i'm laughing at us in disgrace. i'm laughing. god it's such a joke. and when our moment came, "what's your name again?" was icing on the cake. what do you want me to say? you took her heart and gave it away. you gave it away.
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2. |
waiting in the wings
02:45
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lights go down. the curtain call is ringing out. this moment feels familiar, yet i'm not supposed to be here. one scene ends, the next begins. quietly there's been a role reversal but we never made rehearsal much at all. i'm always waiting in the wings, searching for some motivation. it kills me with anticipation. praying for a cue to enter, while someone else is stealing center stage. i'm half erased. can't you see it?
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3. |
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i heard a voice on the intercom. "the last train's leaving, see you at dawn." we left no notice, just leapt off the ledge. i landed safely, you floated away. i spend my millions wasting the days and lord it suits me. i'm doing fine, the scenery is so peaceful here. but elliott smith's "either/or" record skips and drops me to the floor. like every ocean reaches for the shore, i've waited so long for this. the sound of your voice drops me to the floor. i cannot take any more. the light is fading. i thought i felt the world collapse, i never knew you felt it too. i never knew you could. like every ocean reaches for the shore. a simple lesson i never learned before.
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4. |
don't say a thing
04:04
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it's times like this when i know you must be out of your mind. there's no other explanation for the things i find tonight. don't turn on the light, let's sit in the darkness and wait for the starkness of day to get in our way. what could you say to make this all okay? we'll be all right tonight if we don't say a thing. but i've been wanting to say, waiting to say... you're staring across the room with a smile across your face. i'm not smiling back because it feels out of place in here. it's perfectly clear we're going in circles, it's growing hurtful in ways too stupid to say. what i'd pay to make this all okay. you don't know you're alone until you go back home.
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5. |
i will spiral
04:12
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wake up late, if at all. scraping out the sting that's trapped inside. light seeps in, memories ring. the search is on - where were you last night? if i had an answer, it wouldn't make a difference. if my eyes weren't bruised and broken red, i would build a testament, a shining light to get us through this life. but we both realize i would burn the whole thing down. i will spiral, hoping we will somehow collide. if you will, i will spiral and we can let the impact decide. are you awake? i'm miles away, calling from the war. it's hard to hear. hello again. let's pretend we've never met. just try to be sincere and please don't pull your punches. one more time with feeling. one last time, i might be satisfied. sarah told me once, "hey, nothing's permanent", and i'm afraid she's right. we both realize if i'm too late then i will spiral. tonight could be the night.
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6. |
twinstar
05:20
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pull the bible apart at the seams. rearrange all the pages. you have no idea what it means. you thought it was simple. all the millions of people asleep like the dead. the channels are changing all by themselves. not a single sound dares escape. when i used to be angry i'd swallow my words. now it's rare the thought even occurs. please remind me, you have to remind me why it's safe to be happy and wrong to be right. better quiet yourself, close your mouth, just sit tight. no, get out while you can. listen, get out while you can. everything's the same if you half-close your eyes but it's far too bright. it's a twin star lost in the clouds, burning out loud. i remember it used to be dark at night. it's a twin star eclipsing the broken hearts of people who loved but just not enough. it's a gravity pulling them down.
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7. |
laser
03:29
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can you keep it down, can you keep a secret? got my fingers crossed, i am barely breathing. i know i've never been too bright, but this time, this time i'm right. i'm in love with everything. i fell in love with everything, and this terror on my mind, nagging and unkind, i never wanted this to happen. imagine if we make it through tonight. if we make it through alive, i won't feel ashamed until i look you in the eye. waiting at the door. staring at the ceiling. trying to hold on, to stop the room from spinning. i know we are young and foolish, but this time, this time we might lose all control. cannot shake the feeling i'm in love with everything. this heaven is a curse, but the promises we make and break hurt much worse.
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8. |
sunshine
03:56
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you called me sunshine just for a joke, just as a laugh for you and your friends. i didn't mind being your punchline. your voices echoed across the hall, over the floorboards, and into my room. the sound was so perfect i could've died. i looked outside tonight and all the stars aligned in some foolish design. we kissed like the heavens were ready to fall, crushing us under the weight of it all; an impossible version of you in my arms. and just like the heavens, i didn't believe in the myriad ways you use to deceive and get what you want no matter the harm. so look outside tonight at all the stars aligned for the final time. your voice is a knife that cuts in reverse - the softer you speak, the harder it hurts. but i don't mind, no, i don't mind. 'cause i had it all. i had it all. and i held it till it was gone.
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9. |
hey turnstile
04:35
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hey turnstile, standing still. arms outstretched and spun in circles. you can't grab hold. the crowd slips through your fingertips and disappears. hey turnstile, this allegory, now tragic story, isn't you. your broken heart will mend and make you whole again. the damage here can be undone. do you still feel it after it's gone? can you still feel it after so long? hey turnstile, i know they sound sincere. those whispers in your ear, now fading echoes, repeating back.
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10. |
over chicago
04:19
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i saved the prettiest girl for last and gave my heart away too fast. she saw it coming a mile away. there were northern lights over chicago in the middle of the day. she stares at the patterns up in the sky, laughing and shaking her head wondering why she feels the pressure on the surface below. the atmosphere over the city has nowhere to go. i called the loneliest girl to ask if her northern lights had passed. she said the moment came and went and all that's left to witness is evening's slow descent.
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